Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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