guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
