i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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