why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
third nipple confirmed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
