Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
