Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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