You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
