Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
