i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
