Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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