I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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