Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
