I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
