So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
