i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
