You really coming over, don't trick.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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