I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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