Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize