a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize