woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
