took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
