Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
