we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
