The maid of honor just puked.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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