he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
