Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize