whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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