i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Randomize
