Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
