i'm lost and i look like a hooker
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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