How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont even know how to be here
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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