she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
