the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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