she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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