we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My feet surprised me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
