when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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