Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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