The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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