Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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