We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So squirting runs in the family.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
