he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
