I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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