That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
