She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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