i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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