I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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