thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
