I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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