They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
