While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
