i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
