is your mom at the bar?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Please don't give away my fajitas
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