how can u be prego again
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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