if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
