I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
