I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
