I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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