I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
