9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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