Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
