Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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