What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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